dear diary – old 23

I planned to write a long, weighty dissertation on the ending of my 22 year and the beginning of a new one.

I shall not.

I planned to write of the heartache and hurt I experienced this year; to show to the world that I have indeed survived, but how my soul is tattered and worn.

I shall not.

I planned to write of my grand schemes for this next step into age; to expound upon the dreams that are growing like weeds within my soul – to air those dreams out and let them see the light of day.

I shall not.

I’ve discovered God knows the very deepest heartache and hurt better than man could ever dare to comprehend. I’ve realized He knows the very plans I lay; for He put them there, billions of years ago. I’ve realized His dreams are bigger and better and more glorious than mine could ever be. And I’ve discovered that in the very heartache and loneliness itself there is a bead of hope, a glimmer of a diamond; rough though it may be at the moment. But one day. Ah. One day. We will see. It will shine brighter that the glow of the moon. And we will say, O Great God. How good you are! You give us, not what our flesh longs for, but what our souls need. You alone are the real joy-giver. You alone satisfy. Thank you for every single path of darkness I’ve trodden. It has brought me nearer to You, and for that I am supremely grateful.

Oh, this next year. “Help me grasp the heights of your plans for me”.